You smell like stripper and shame
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize