I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
