Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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