if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
