im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
