Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
