if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize