I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
