I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
