you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
