I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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