He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
