Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
