Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
