Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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