i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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