I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Alive.
So much puke
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
