yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
