Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
