I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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