why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
