i think my tv is drunk
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize