How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
