If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
