She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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