I can text with my tongue
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
