i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
