i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
