and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
jump out the window naked night went bad
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