Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
