I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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