dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
