her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Text me some of your sweat
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
