Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
