listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He did a backflip because drugs
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