Christians are straight up FREAKS
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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