If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize