I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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