Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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