Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
