You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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