I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
