so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
