chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
worst night to have a conscience
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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