im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ladies don't puke and tell
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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