woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
