ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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