She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
