Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
