I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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