did you get engaged???
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
