Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's official drugs can't kill me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
