i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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