sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
