Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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