woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
