We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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