There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
