Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
