My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize