Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
