If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
