Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
