you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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