Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
