i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
