Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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